Friday, July 25, 2008

Max Mosely wins Libel Case

Latest news on the celebrity front is the award of £60k damages to F1 boss Max Mosely, see the BBC report at news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7523034.stm. All well and good, he didn't do anything illegal, some people may agree or disagree with his actions, but that is personal choice.

I just wonder how he's going to celebrate his win ;-)

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Semantic Web

Stuff about the Semantic Web that I research (in a minor way) and have a technical and commercial interest in is on my company blog at blogs.pancentric.com have a look if that is your thing.

Not Bitter, now

I have been thinking about starting a new blog/website nolongerbitter(.com) to lay to rest some of the issues that I have been carrying around with me for far too many years now.

I am prompted if you like because I spent yesterday evening on a "meet the teacher" session at my sons' Primary school meeting their teachers. In particular meeting Mr Richardson my elder son Matthews teacher. The way he spoke about Matthew and the clear interest he had in Matthew almost brought me to tears. Which is completely silly.

I realised (and understood that I have been hiding this all for far too long) that I still have all sorts of issues about my time at school, and other parts of my life that still affect me in a deeply emotional way but about which I am no longer bitter.

This simple statement feels like a catharsis, not there yet but a starting point, just being able to say that takes a huge pressure off. I am no longer bitter, I may not yet be reconciled, not have closure, still feel a deep lack of something, but I am no longer bitter.

So, Mrs Harding, Mr French, Mr Nicholson, Mr Mcglaughlin, and all the others (and they are just from school) I no longer care. You did your worst, and I not only survived but have prospered. And I am no longer bitter. You won in the short term, but in the longer term I have prevailed, I am stronger than your influence.

You know, what I find difficult still though, and I feel I am starting to understand some of the reasons that I feel this way, is my extreme discomfort when anyone is nice to me. This is to the extent that I have to push it away for fear of breaking down in tears. I feel it now and can only stop it through a real effort. This is of course all part of my lack of worth, how can they possibly be nice to me, excpet as a way to humiliate me, which I will not allow any more. But, I am no longer bitter.

Funnily (well it really does amuse me) I was reading a book on Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP, see I am dealing with this) and realised that I have a way to go before tit works for me, because lots of the exercises require you to think of a time, place etc. where you are happy - and I can't think of one, ever. There are ones, but I can't get to them yet, I will though.

To paraphrase the marketing of the film Alien, and I have seen my log files so I know no-one reads this, on the Internet no one can hear you...